Pedestrian Parallax

Assuming I am much younger than I am, then telling me I should be “flattered” that you thought I wasn’t an adult. This happened again today, when I got carded buying cold medicine (not even the kind you can make meth out of, because I am allergic to that). It happens at school when someone asks for an adult and then says, “Oh, I thought you were one of the kids.” Or when I’m skipped at the deli counter. The most annoying part is that the person who made the mistake gets miffed with me because I’m supposed to thank her or something for thinking I am not an adult and worthy of respect. And yes, I understand checking I.D. for alcohol, etc.  because they have to check people who look considerably older than the legal limit. But I don’t think that they expect other people my age to be excited about it. And then they ask me to explain why I’m not flattered (because I don’t enjoy being considered a child? because it’s hard enough getting my students to listen to me without other teachers acting like I’m a teenager? because I deserve the same respect as your other customers?), thus lengthening the awkward encounter and often holding up the line behind me.

So today I was too sick to really state my case with this woman behind the counter who just wouldn’t let it go, so I resorted to being kind of rude (which I usually try not to do). And then the stupid signature pad for the credit card wouldn’t work. She was like, “You have to press down, honey,” all condescending. Argh. I tried a few times before she came around the bagging area to show me how to do it like I was a moron. I was pressing down so hard that the entire unit was shifting, so it wasn’t just me, but it really made the awkward encounter much longer than necessary and was really stressing me out. Finally the machine managed to record the first slope of the first letter of my name, and that was apparently enough to continue my transaction so I could get my receipt. And the woman was like, “See, you had to press down, honey,” like it was my first time using a credit card (since apparently I look 17), and I wanted to slap her but I just took my cold medicine and tissues and left.

5 Things I Like Today

1. I tie-dyed shirts blue for myself and two coworkers for Friday, when all teachers and staff are wearing blue tie-dyed shirts.
2. It’s Homecoming week, so I’m preparing my outfits for each dress-up day. This is such a fun part of my job.
3. The shampoo and cream that my doctor prescribed are really making a difference in my scalp. For the first time in 20 years, my head doesn’t itch like crazy. Yay!
4. I love my new shorter hair, and I’ve gotten lots of positive comments on it.
5. I discovered some new music today.

5 Things I Dislike Today

1. I bought some fake glasses frames to decorate with glitter (school colors), then remembered that I gave away my glitter glue.
2. I went to the mall yesterday and continue to dislike all of the clothes that are out now.
3. A friend I used to be very close with but had lost touch with refuses to accept my Facebook friend request.
4. I let myself get irritated that someone I haven’t seen in years refused to accept my Facebook friend request. This should not bother me.
5. Why is the temperature still in the 90’s at the end of October?

1 Thing I Will Elaborate On Today

Last year and this year, when it was announced that we would wear tie-dye as a homecoming dress-up activity, many of my coworkers said that they had never tie-dyed before. They didn’t know how to mix the dye, how tight to wrap the rubber bands or that two rubber bands wasn’t going to cut it. I can’t even imagine having never tie-dyed. Looking back at old pictures, it’s pretty clear that tie-dye made up about 1/3 of my entire wardrobe from the ages of 12-20. Dyeing shirts, socks, sheets, etc. was such a part of my experience growing up that I just kind of assumed it was like that for everyone. How sad that there are people who missed out on that.

Riding your bicycle on the wrong side of the road. Just because you’re not in a motor vehicle doesn’t mean you get to choose which side of the road you want. It is dark when I go to work. When I see the reflector on your bike, I use that to judge where you will be so I can avoid hitting you. If you are on the wrong side of the road, my perception is off.
Plus, it’s just annoying. You have to follow traffic laws too.

Student 1: It was so cold this morning, I thought I might die!

Me: [laughing] You’re such Florida kids.

Student 2: WHAT?! Did you just call us lardasses?!

Me: What?! No! I said, “Florida kids!” Because you were so cold!

Student 2: Oh. That’s all right then. We’re from here. I don’t think you should be able to call us lardasses though.

Me: Neither do I.

Closing my mouth when I’m not talking or eating
Drinking without a straw
Eating a sandwich without a knife and a fork
Sleeping with my right side of my face on the pillow like I am accustomed to, instead of trying to sleep on the left side, then waking up in the middle of the night in pain when I roll over on my right
Kissing my sweetie